Void SQUADRON STRATEGIES - Emergency Procedures

When Things Go Wrong

Procedure 1: The Panic Protocol

Follow these steps in the event of an unexpected asteroid attack or zombie apocalypse:

Call the SQUADRON hotline at 1-800-SQUADRON-1
Seek shelter in a nearest available manhole cover
Perform the SQUADRON Sway Dance to calm the situation

Sub-Procedure 1: SQUADRON Sway Dance

Step 1: Flail your arms like a chicken in a hurricane

Step 2: Spin around like a top in a washing machine

Step 3: Make "ca-ching" sounds while doing the cha cha slide

Learn more about the Sway Dance

Procedure 2: The Boredom Protocol

Follow these steps in the event of extreme tedium or existential dread:

Watch cat videos for exactly 3 hours and 14 minutes
Cook a batch of SQUADRON's famous 3-Alarm Chili
Call your SQUADRON buddy to discuss the meaning of life

Sub-Procedure 2: 3-Alarm Chili

Ingredients:

3 cans of SPAM
1 cup of existential dread
1/4 cup of SQUADRON's secret ingredient (available at your local SQUADRON supply store)
Heat the mixture in a 10-foot deep pit of despair

Buy SQUADRON's Secret Ingredient

Remember: In times of crisis, always follow SQUADRON strategies. Your life may depend on it.

Or not.

Prophets of SQUADRON